Paul's Journal

Paul's Journal

Paul

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Goodbye! (Conclusion)

[Dec. 31st, 2007|11:37 pm]

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"SO ENDETH this chronicle. It begin strictly a history of a boy, it must stop here; the story could not go much further without becoming the history of a man. When one writes a novel about grown people, he knows exactly where to stop--that is, with a marriage; but when he writes of juveniles, he must stop where he best can."

The quote above comes from the conclusion of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. I read it two and a half years ago, the summer before I went to Elmira College for the first time. When I first read it, I knew that I would use it for the final entry in this journal. I didn't know when that final entry would come. For a long time, I thought that it would come at the end of my college years. Even when I considered continuing with graduate school, the final entry in this journal would come sometime after my graduation from Elmira College. I would be heading out into the real world, where I'd have to make it on my own for the first time.

But things don't always turn out the way that we expect them to. Just look through my entries in this journal and you'll see proof. Relationships end. I no longer speak to Eric, my bandmate -- but, more importantly, one of my best friends from grade school. This journal has seen me enter into five romantic relationships and the end of four of them. I went through high school and two years of college. I discovered bands and television shows that made me happy just to be alive. This journal has chronicled my journeys north, south and west. It's seen me crushed and heartbroken, it's seen me elated and joyous. It's definitely seen me apathetic. When I started this journal, it was because a bunch of other people from barenaked.net had gotten journals. I no longer check the barenaked.net bulletin boards. I first got this journal when a new user needed a code to create a journal. Now I have three (maybe four, if that Pennyfarthing one is still up). Yes, things change.

Just like when I thought I'd be making this final entry. It was always a nebulous thing: "I'll do it after I graduate. I'll be an adult then, right?" I counted on Twain's sentence being more accurate than I could conceive at the time. Obviously, I haven't been posting as often in this journal as I used to. For the first few months, I posted an entry every single day. November of this year only has five entries. My priorities have changed. I no longer am devoted to creating a permanent record of my daily life. It's almost ironic. When I have things that are really worth posting -- life-changing discoveries and the changing of views -- I don't post.

And for that reason, I feel that this is the best time for me to close this journal. Sure, I could keep going. I could leave this thing open, posting an entry every week or every two weeks. But, like Twain said, you must stop when you best can. So many things happened to me in 2007. I rejected organized religion and lunatic girlfriends. I extricated myself from a terrible work environment even though it meant losing contact with some of the most beautiful human beings I ever had the honor of meeting. I read Emerson and Thoreau and discovered that I am more like a Transcendentalist than I could realize as a immature student in Ms. Gilder's/Mrs. Worthy's (is that right?) American Literature classroom. I skipped classes and wrote music. I played music. I devoted myself to being a human being, with friends and love and joy. I will look back on 2007 as a monumental year, a year when I entered into a new chapter (let's stick with the book metaphor).

This journal has seen a lot of events, all of which have brought me to this state. I would be dismissing them if I were to delete this journal. Therefore, I'll be keeping this journal online as long as LiveJournal's servers maintain it. Since 2003, I've been making a hard copy version of the journal, a process which will continue through 2008. But I won't be making any new entries in this journal. It's time to move on.

"Most of the characters that perform in this book still live, and are prosperous and happy. Some day it may seem worth while to take up the story of the younger ones again and see what sort of men and women they turned out to be; therefore it be wisest not to reveal any of that part of their lives at present."

The second paragraph of the conclusion, quoted above, really fits with everything I wrote above. The people I wrote about are still living, as far as I know. And the quote has strengthened my motivation to create a new journal. What fun would it be to end this journal and cease my writing? This new journal is still going to reference many of the same people found in this journal. However, the major difference is that my new journal is going to include more entries about topics instead of "this is what I did today" style entries. After a few days of contemplating what my user name would be, I went with

train_rider. If you're interested in following me over there, feel free to friend me. I'll be posting an entry there soon.

Well kids, I guess that's all. I hope that you've enjoyed the past five years that this journal has chronicled. Thank you for reading, thank you for helping. I'll see you later. Until then, take care of yourselves and Happy New Year.

-Paul

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